wake up i wanna do it froggy style
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He better not be in your backpack
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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