I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
