wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
