; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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