its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
