some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
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My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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