paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
