im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
