It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize