Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
