i jhust puked up my retainher.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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