you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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