I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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