Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
