Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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