She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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