the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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