Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
