If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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