Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
