When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
