Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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