So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
