Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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