no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
