worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
