you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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