Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
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I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
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I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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