Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
