3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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