MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
