you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The best revenge is premature balding
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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