I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
