I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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