How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
