I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
