You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
