so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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