I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
