Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
