Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
