I love black thongs
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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