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Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
not ubering you a puppy
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
