Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I want a musical about memes.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
