this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
