I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
