She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
