Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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