I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize