you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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