she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
