Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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