I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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