I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
