I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
