Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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