I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
