maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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