I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize