Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
