Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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