this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize